This blog has been a secret passion of mine for a couple of years now. I have this desire to write and share the Word to people. Here recently I went through a season of writer’s block.
At the beginning of the year, I was full of all kinds of things to say. I had this plan. Then it felt like it was gone. I had no motivation for it. I kept saying to myself, “How do I write when I have no motivation. I have nothing to say.”
But I did, though. The Lord has reminded me that we all have something to say. We all have a ministry. Our ministry is our life. It is how we act in it. It is how we respond to it. It is how we choose to rely on God or not rely on God in it. Life is ministry. My life is speaking in one way or another to others.
During that season that I mentioned, I got into a depression. I can’t explain how I got in it, or when I allowed it to happen. One day I realized that I needed some help. So, I spoke to my husband first. Then I chose to go to a councilor. I’ve gone twice. It has helped. I plan to continue to go.
I’m learning my identity in Christ. I’m learning how to let go and let God. What does that mean? We as humans, me especially, tend to want control. I mean we want control of every step of our lives.
I told my councilor at our last session that in my previous marriage I had that perfect little plan of how my life would go. We would buy a house at this time. We would have a baby by this time. You know what I mean. But that didn’t happen for me. If it happened for you, I am so happy for you, truly I am.
That was not how it turned out for me though. Truly, I’m so thankful for that now for, so many reasons. Not having control of the timing and situations use to drive me bonkers, though. Downright make me mad. How I had it planned in my head was perfect! And none of it would go the way I wanted it.
Looking back now, I would definitely not have chosen many of the situations that did not go my way. I am choosing to let it grow me in a positive way going forward, though. Letting it teach me that patience does make a difference. Teach me that forgiveness does make a difference. Teach me that God’s timing is perfect.
My life is a testimony. My identity is through Christ. If my identity is through Christ, then that means that God is always with me. The scripture says that His ways are way higher than ours. Guys I’m a dreamer. I do think pretty big. When I look at that scripture that tells me now that God must have some big plans for me.
I asked someone one time, “Do you ever think about everything that you want to accomplish and do, and wonder how you will get it all done in this lifetime?” They simply said no and looked at me weird. Well, I do. I don’t know how I will get it all done, but I won’t get it done by staying stagnant. I won’t get it done without leaning on my Father and relying on him to direct my steps.
Clearly when I direct my own steps, I get it all messed up. Leaning on Him is making me throw off my pride. Throw off my impatience. Throw off my unforgiveness. Throw off my doubt. That is the only way to truly trust and have faith in Him.
Doing these things develop our testimony. It develops our ministry. It develops that life of abundance that He wants for us.
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